I was tendin' to my greens out back (uh-huh)
When my neighbor come 'round actin' all whack (for real)
She said 'yo, you got some good-lookin’ sprouts'
But her breath had me trippin', I was close to pass out (yo, what?)
Talkin' 'bout her compost heap (ew, dang)
That smell hit my nose, I said 'girl, keep'
Yo, next thing you know, she hand me a sack (come on)
Of zucchini so big, I was like 'step back' (hold up)
She said 'taste my taters, they better than gold' (what?)
But I swear they was lookin' a million years old (ew, no)
Talkin' 'bout her cherry tomatoes (nah, man)
But they was green as a frog, I said 'take those!'
Next she bragged 'bout her cabbage patch (really?)
But I saw more worms than a fisherman's batch (ew, nah)
Sayin' 'my carrots got the crunch you need' (uh, no)
But they bend in the middle like a dried-up reed (for real)
Brought out her peppers, 'taste that heat' (what heat?)
But they're softer than bread that's been in the street (stale, man)
I said 'girl, check out my bell peppers, so bright' (for sure)
She gave a side eye, said 'they ain't right' (you playin')
Then she flexed 'bout her eggplants, purple and grand
But they shriveled up, lookin' like raisinland (ew, nah)
Talkin' 'bout her herb garden, 'smell that thyme' (what thyme?)
But all I sensed was dirt and grime (man, please)
She goes 'check my lettuce, crisp and green' (uh-huh)
But that wilt is the worst I ever seen (damn)
Pulled some radishes, 'so fresh, so right' (wait, what?)
But in the daylight, they gave me a fright (for real?)
She hollers, 'my onions got layers for days' (no way)
But they moldy and look like a purple haze (gross)
I'm lookin' at her spinach, 'it's real robust' (nah, it's not)
But when she handed it over, it turned to dust (what the heck?)
See her garlic, 'it’s stronger than most' (no lie)
But I swear it smelled like a haunted ghost (yo, why?)
She said 'check my corn, it’s tall and sweet' (sure)
But those kernels had legs and they started to beat (ew, gross)