Hello everyone. I’m Yucky!
[audience laughs and hollers]
Wh-what?
Why are you laughing? I’m just telling you my name.
Anyway, I have a big brother named Ew, he was present at my birth, and when my mom saw me, she introduced me to my big brother: “Ew! That’s Yucky!”
(I have a dad too, of course
I've always callled him "dadddiiiii"
My mom doesn't do that, of course... that would be really silly, since he's not HER dad
She prefers to call him by his real name - at least I THINK that's his real name, since I've never heard her call him anything else than Arsehole)
As a kid, I was always extremely popular…
EX-TREME-LY!
All the other kids would always name lots of animals after me. It was quite an honor… although… although I sometimes wondered why they never named… dogs… cats, and such… it was always smaller animals like… spiders, centipedes, wood-lice, earwigs… you know!
[crowd laughs]
Once we went on a field trip and were walking along a forest path, when we came upon an anthill… MILLIONS of ants absolutely everywhere!
One of the kids pointed and said, “That’s Yucky!” and I went “Where? Which one of them?” and he just looked at me puzzled and said “Whaddaya mean, which one? ALL of them!”
Imagine that: millions of ants – and EVERY single one of them named after me. What an honor.
[audience applauds]
I’m not afraid to admit, that I’m not the leanest guy on the planet, but you know what? I see that as a good thing, meaning that I always got plenty of food to eat. Never went to bed hungry, not one single day.
My big brother, on the other hand - poor thing - he’s so skinny that if you saw him, you’d never guess he was my brother, although… although… although could very well fail to see him at all, that’s how skinny he is
We love each other very much,
[audience says AWWW!]
[audience applauds]
in fact he loves me so much, that when we were kids, he always sacrificed himself for me. And my… well-bolstered self, I’ve got him to thank for. “How?” you may ask, and you see:
You'd be amazed at how many nights he exclaimed at the dinner table, "That's Yucky food!"
...And he insisted so much, that my parents acknowledged and gave it all to me!
What an unselfish and loving brother, don't you agree?
Anyway, I shouldn’t bore you anymore with stories of my family, but before I go, I thought I’d share, that I have often wondered about the origins of my family name. It’s quite unusual in this country, so I decided to investigate a bit…
turns out my family has German roots, and over there, our last name means “Grand” or “Big”… gives you a sense of splendor, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, the name doesn’t translate very well to English – the name is: Gross!
Thank you all very much and good night!