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[verse]

All those nights of arguments

Of feeling isolated

Worried that your life together’s failed

All those days of tension

All the fighting and the hurting

Can’t be solved by a little wagging tail

Don’t get a dog. Get a divorce

Your relationship has clearly run its course

You can barely even stand each other

It’s time to give your marriage up

Don’t attempt to put a bandage on it

With a little cutesy pup

[bridge]

Maybe you should have done more talking

Rather than some doggy walking

You couldn’t find the thing that you both need

You had a problem that was confounding

Your love was falling on the ground

But you found a hound you could put on a lead

Don’t get a dog. Get a divorce

A retriever isn’t going to retrieve your love

You need to both say Ciao, not get a Chow Chow

The future will not be less scarier

With a highland or jack russell terrier

A lawyer’s what you need

not your local breeder

[outro]

So put away the dog catalogue

Forget a faithful friend

It’s time to bring this marriage to an end

You can’t begin the healing

With a canine that you bought

You’re gonna have to see each other in court