[verse]
All those nights of arguments
Of feeling isolated
Worried that your life together’s failed
All those days of tension
All the fighting and the hurting
Can’t be solved by a little wagging tail
Don’t get a dog. Get a divorce
Your relationship has clearly run its course
You can barely even stand each other
It’s time to give your marriage up
Don’t attempt to put a bandage on it
With a little cutesy pup
[bridge]
Maybe you should have done more talking
Rather than some doggy walking
You couldn’t find the thing that you both need
You had a problem that was confounding
Your love was falling on the ground
But you found a hound you could put on a lead
Don’t get a dog. Get a divorce
A retriever isn’t going to retrieve your love
You need to both say Ciao, not get a Chow Chow
The future will not be less scarier
With a highland or jack russell terrier
A lawyer’s what you need
not your local breeder
[outro]
So put away the dog catalogue
Forget a faithful friend
It’s time to bring this marriage to an end
You can’t begin the healing
With a canine that you bought
You’re gonna have to see each other in court